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It not a joke!!! It is the truth!!!

Giving people what they want: violence and sloppy eating

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I threw it all away for a fromage frais
mini me + poo
Well, nearly.

Reading about a fight in another place reminded me of the three big ones L and I've had.

The first was just before the Greenwich BiCon, when I finally confessed to L about having slept with a mutual friend. That wasn't the problem - it was the not telling earlier. I was afraid Roberta would find out (the delightful sex in question had happened while Roberta was away, and almost the first words out of her mouth on her return were to say that I Absolutely Must Not Do what she didn't know I just had...)

The second resulted from not spotting L when I arrived at a swimming pool, and started my swim, not realising that she was waiting outside.

The third was over the fromage frais. L wanted it, I ate it. It was apricot flavour, quite nice but certainly not worth losing a relationship over.

All rather silly really. But ghod did they hurt.

Isn't it odd that people who have safewords when playing various sex games don't use them in Real Life? Especially when they're being hurt, saying they're being hurt and the other person isn't listening for whatever reason.

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I have safeworded out of arguments in real life, and have also had people safeword on me when I was, e.g., throwing things (not at them, I hasten to add). Safewording is sufficiently serious that it can cut through the self-absorbed state you get into on these occassions. It can also, unfortunately, exacerbate the problem by making it seem like you're being melodramatic, so it has to be used with caution.

Me an Paul used to have a lot of techniques for dealing with arguments, including very contrived ones about time out and 'fuck-up points'. Now we just don't argue, so maybe the techniques served their purpose. Meanwhile another boyfriend simply walks away from anything that looks like a row, though he is getting better at doing non-shouty discussions, leaving only one person I can have a good stand-up row with. I think that still serves a purpose, but only once or twice a year...

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