Ian (lovingboth) wrote,

Death in the family

I'm feeling fine, as I have been before.

The grandparent who survived past my childhood was my maternal grandmother. We were close - we lived with her until I was seven. Unfortunately, she developed Alzheimer's in her mid-late 80s and she died a couple of years before her body did. I'm still a bit annoyed at being pushed to see her in the months before she died: no recognition of me at all resulted in disturbing her and not being good for me. The funeral was good, a chance to catch up with assorted cousins.* I can even remember when it was, because we went to the first bi activist weekend I organised from it, clutching baby JA, so it must have been Feb 2002.

My mother had a colon cancer that spread to her brain. If you end up with brain cancer, from what I (and Susie Bright) can see, do not go for surgery unless you like being a guinea pig for surgeons to practice on with almost no benefit - and plenty of downsides - for you. At least the NHS means we didn't pay (directly) for the unnecessary surgery and the consequent loss of quality of life, but death was still a release. My sister, after some faffing around with changing dates, scheduled the funeral for the one day JA couldn't do (very first day of school) so September 2006, but I enjoyed seeing someone from my father's side of the family after losing touch and that developed into several visits to Newcastle to see them before they died a few years ago.

This time, my father's death has followed a decade or so of increasing Parkinson's. Although the last couple of months were good (albeit with some hallucinations), the previous couple of years were horrible, particularly in the mornings, and he was very comfortable with death.

So while I've been sorry to lose them, the preceding disease has been more upsetting than the inevitable and prepared-for conclusion.

* Only one male cousin from that side of the family doesn't have male pattern baldness: I had the second most hair of all of them!

This entry was originally posted at http://lovingboth.dreamwidth.org/555860.html, because despite having a permanent account, I have had enough of LJ's current owners trying to be evil. Please comment there using OpenID - comment count unavailable have and if you have an LJ account, you can use it for your OpenID account. Or just join Dreamwidth! It only took a couple of minutes to copy all my entries here to there.

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